No, you can’t have my fingerprints

I recently bought a new phone, a Samsung S8 Active. The newest model, the S9, was available but I told the salesperson that I try to never buy the first generation of anything. This was the first time during the conversation that the salesperson, and a friend who was with me, gave me a ‘he’s-one-of-those-crazy-people’ look.

“You don’t want the brand new one?” Their eyebrows said to me, arched upwards with a Spock-ian skepticism.

I understand that look. I give it to people all the time. There’s a lot of weirdos in the world. “I want to make sure it doesn’t blow up in my pocket first.” I replied.

That got a chuckle but also a revamped effort to upsell me on all the features of the model I actually chose. “The tough exterior gives the S8 Active shock, shatter, water, and dust resistance.” Awesome. “Samsung promises the phone can’t be twisted into submission, won’t succumb to scratches, and is less likely to slip through your fingers due to its textured body.” I’m a klutz, this is exactly what I want.